his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
