that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
