I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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