Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
