Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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