Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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