google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
