gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
