You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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