You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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