Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
