I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
