i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
