also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
