Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
