well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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