are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
