I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
