Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
