Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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