We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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