hotel room ftw
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
