The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
