at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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