no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
