Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
