All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
