Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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