He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
