I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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