Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
