the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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