They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
