I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Pooping to opera.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
