I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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