So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
