We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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