my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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