My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
