i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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