So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
