I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
