If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
