can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
