shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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