I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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