I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
