mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
