I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
