Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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