Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
