need another drink. this is the easiest way
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
