hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
