Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
